© 2006 SeanDietrich.com

BRAGGING RIGHTS
By Sean Dietrich

When we moved into our home, we had television with no cable service. We got nothing but white fuzz. The television was nothing but a lifeless black box for almost 2 years. We had our reasons for choosing to be “TV free,” but that is not the point I am trying to make.

I used to love to tell people that we didn’t watch TV! In conversation, many times, I would casually mention it. I got pretty good at slipping it in without making too big of a deal out of it too. I must admit; it was a rush! It was a good feeling to know I was holier than my friends!

HOLIER THAN THOU KNOWEST

For those of you who don’t know, there is a special “Christian” way to boast. Of course you can’t just start naming your good-deeds one by one. To boast correctly, you must look for an opening in the dialogue. Pay no attention to what the other people are saying during conversation. You are on a mission. Listen carefully for your cue. Look for an opening. Then grab it!

Now, you don’t want them to figure out that you are bragging, or you’ll blow it. Gently slip your self-promoting phrase in the conversation. Say it as if you are simply stating a fact. Above all: You must maintain the constant illusion of “humility,” or they’ll figure out that you are bragging!

The “disclaimer-method” works the best. It’s easy. Before you name your good-deed, simply inform your listeners that you don’t want to appear conceited. Their suspicions will be totally diverted. You’ll be free to blow your own horn as loud as you want! This is part of the correct “Christian” way of bragging on oneself.

Okay. While I’m talking about correct bragging technique, I’ll mention my own accomplishment. Now, I don’t mean this to sound conceited in any way, (wink) but I used to be the “Grand Poo-Bah” of the “United Bragging American Religious Fellowship.” U-BARF for short. Actually, many professing Christians in the U.S. belong to U-BARF. I run into members all.

I HEREBY RESIGN

Well, I decided to resign from U-BARF years ago. The bad thing is; all of that boot-camp training is still almost second nature. Sometimes I still catch myself executing a “covert-tactical-bragging-maneuver” during a friendly conversation.

These days, I am much happier since I resigned as “Grand Poo-Bah Bragger!” There isn’t nearly as much pressure to perform for other Christians. I can do a good-deed, and no one has to know about it but my Father. That’s right. I mean doing good-deeds in secret. WOW! What a concept! Loving people without a fanfare!


“Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.”     --Jesus